Sobbing like mad, I cant remember when was the last time I cried so hard for something. I couldn't catch my breath. Now my reason isn't because of company, it's because I can't accept the fact that I went through so much shit and I have to do this kind of work now.

No one to pour my sorrows to, what am I suppose to do?
It's unfair for me, why am I the one?

This turning point is too wide a turn for me,
I am tipping over.

Sob

Slept at 3am, woke up at 7am. Usually I would sleep till 10am, I dont know why.

I miss my friends.....sobsob..

Give me a slightest chance of hope....

I scraped my previous post that I wanted to blog about 1 week plus ago, something about responsibility. But now, I guess that post will deem redundant......

I am posted to 2PDF, something that I thought it wouldnt be so bad, but until the other person who went with me was......someone which everyone in my course disliked. My superior was also puzzled why he came here, I dont know why too. It's a mental torture, seriously to be around him. It's just....disturbing I would say. Even other people who met him for the first time said, "Ya, can see, he's abit slow." Pardon me, abit?! It's like we are using i7 core now, he's still using Pentium 1. Maybe I guess that's why he was posted here. He wont get to see the vehicle, let alone touching the steering wheel. Maybe that's why he was posted here to keep him out from trouble.

I am still depressed that I have to spend the rest of my NS life with him, my encik still tell me to try accepting him for the way he is. Please, if I were to accept the way he is, and make him my friend, I would be retarded, and I would have already done so earlier since I knew him 4 months ago. Being around him is degrading my intelligence, his strange accent, and impoliteness to interrupt other people's conversation is the key factor that everyone dislikes him. I dont even want to look at him when I speak with him. Is he that oblivious to how other people treat him? Or he is trying hard to get people to accept him?

I dont feel guilty right now, badmouthing about him. Maybe this is my retribution for treating like that during the training days. But who cares, working with me will not be easy especially when it's him.

I really hope that I can go back to the active unit. I really missed driving the vehicle. That is one factor, the other factor would be I missed all my friends. Being here alone sucks, especially with someone that I cannot and dont want to communicate with.

This feeling sucks, and am I always the one to experience this?

I am exhausted........

I wish, I could be there when you are feeling down.
But you were always able to get over it somehow.
I am relieved, but am I able to give you what you're looking for?


Cross country is over, public road driving soon.
Somehow I am not looking forward to it.
I hope it will pass by fast.

The weather has been really crazy lately.
It has somehow affected my emotions.
Tired, but I am glad I have my coursemates around.
They are a lively bunch of people which never fails to keep me laughing,
and the encouragement.

Thank you guys.

Had dinner with my poly clique friends at Badoque@Simpang Bedok.
Went to my friend's house before that, and he dropped me off at Simpang Bedok.
Though not everyone was present, but still it's a good dinner.
I wouldn't mind going back for dinner again.
The steak is....I would say....humongous.
Pictures are not with me, so I have no evident proof.
But I really had difficulty finishing it.
When it was served, I was shocked at the portion of it, and it's only 16 bucks.

Glad that everyone is still doing well;
Nisa got herself an iPhone, it's about time she upgrade her phone.
But not with a make-do screen protector. Gaozheng said it was like she cut it out from the front of a plastic file.

Malyna got a job in NParks, as a plant records officer. She is taking CUGE courses for free!!! How I wish I don't have to go through the life of an NSF.

Elfie, pending status, but still involved in his NCC activities. Passionate I guess, I will never be interested in taking part in uniform groups. Glad I didn't took it during my secondary school.

Gaozheng, still surviving, hope he can make it through the remaining time of his NSF. He's gonna ORD before me! WTH. Hais.

WenXiang, my look-alike, 8-5 clerk at Naval Base, wears civilian clothes to work. He got admitted into NUS! Congrats, hahahaha. Finally someone in our clique is going take a Bachelor degree!

Whereas for me, a driver. I hope I don't forget my Horticulture stuff after my NSF life. I want to further my studies in this line, I want to see plants everyday!

All in all, good time spent with right people. (:

Was looking for a picture to go with this post..
But I don't know what kind of picture that I want to go with this post.

Well,it's been long since I play with Photoshop...
I got a feeling I lost a bit of touch to it. Ok, maybe quite a lot.
Well, last two weeks were just slacking in air-conditioned environment and wait..
Wait...and wait for our news on when my course starts...

Finally, the wait is over. The course started today. Well, it's a stay-in course. So I'm suppose to be in camp at this moment, but the 9 of us only got the news that we were supposed to bring our stay-in stuff today. Hence, we had a nights out for us to get our barang barang and book in later at night. Somehow, I was half expecting this to happen. The other half was wishing that we could stay out for this week.

SHOOTS! This is so mentally draining. Course just started today and there is a theory test this Friday?! Thick course manual, short period of time...Let's just hope it will be a smooth journey for me.

My course would be 5 weeks long. I certainly hope times flies. Somewhat, I can't explain or understand what is this emotions that I am having now.

Maybe I don't like the idea of staying in?
Or maybe I am too tired from Sunday's events; waking up at 6am and slept at 12 midnight?
Or maybe my mind is preoccupied by you....

Alright, time's up. I need to book in....wish me luck!

I felt overjoyed, but the emotion is short-lived.
Even though I passed, I still have friends who are still trying hard to pass the TP.
Somehow I couldn't feel happy for too long.

Past seven weeks was....I would say a mixture of pleasant and unpleasant learning journey for me.
Tough part was the scolding whenever I make mistake, no doubt anger accelerated through each driving lessons. Nearing the end, somehow everything took a U-turn and I received more encouragement then scolding from my assigned instructor.

Frankly speaking, I was expecting myself to pass on the 4th attempt of the driving test. Sadly, I did not and I was upset with myself for getting 18 demerit with no major fault. Somehow I felt that I let my instructor down after he gave me so much encouragement before I took the test. Other trainers were talking bad about my instructor behind his back, as his 4 trainees were already on the 3rd and 4th attempt of the test and no one make it through. They doubted his teaching. Because of this, I wanted to prove to the others that my trainer imparted whatever he knew to us. But the following day, 3 of us passed. He was overjoyed. I've never seen him laugh so wholeheartedly before. I was happy too. Did my Island Wide Confident Driving with him as well, he said words that touched me. I never thought we would be so friendly with each other. After all, he's my trainer and I'm his trainee.

Thank you Mr Tan, for the past 7 weeks. Thank you for all the teaching and tips that will aid me in improving my driving skills in the future. (:


Now, it's time for bed. I need my rest.

There is an array of feelings that I am feeling right now.

So much things to express, I should have updated earlier.
But now, I am rushing. So till next time.

Take care people, drink more water.
Otherwise, you will end up like me; sore throat and dry throat. Argh.

Last day of February, the 28th. It's been a month since my driving course started. To me, it wasn't easy. The form of communication wasn't what I expected it to be, it's worst. The usuage of vulgarities is just....stunning.

I couldn't say much, as I myself have also succumb to the usage of the vulgarities. For now, I am left with two weeks, and I will be able to pass out with a military driving license. That is, I hope I can pass my TP before 13th March. Otherwise, I would have to stay till I pass it, and those who pass will leave this forsaken place by 13th March. My TP is on the 7th of March, which is one week away from now. My driving skill is not as good, I don't know how to put it in words, but it's not that I am scared of driving a big vehicle, it's my trainer. Sometimes, it's just the fear of making mistakes, and being scolded for making stupid mistakes despite that I have been driving for a period of time; the lack of improvement.

No doubt it's tiring, but it's the attitude and tone of how you talk to people affects the other. Being treated like a idiot, and complaining to other people of how your trainee perform will not help in increasing his morale in driving.

I guess I said enough, thinking of it makes it worst. I can only take it as it comes.

Take care people, the weather has been hot lately. Drink more water.

Many people asked,why my face always look so sad and emo.
I would reply, "Haha,it's my default face."
Smiling denotes happiness, or returning a gesture when someone smiles at you.

Right now, my face is wiped off of that smile.
Because I failed my Public Road Assessment twice, when others made it with one try.
It's quite depressing when most of my friends are starting to drive on 3 tonner, and I am still stucked at driving a LandRover.
Most of the time I did ok, but only till the moment when I took the test, my heart would skipped a bit, resulting in stupid mistakes which failed me reasonably.

After all, I guess this is army. There isn't a day that is not stressful to me.
Why is the assessor so strict in the first place?
The accessor would have it's reasons like, "We are training you, when you take your TP with your 3tonner, the tester is from SAF one. More strict and fierce."

Accept it and look forward, smiling uses less muscles and frowning.
Maybe smiling more will make me less tired and pass my assessment tomorrow.

I frowned too much yesterday and today, I'm tired now.

Wish me luck!

It's Chinese New Year! Though I don't really feel the mood this year. Who knows why. My course has already started for 2 weeks plus. It wasn't really what I expected it to be, increased usage of vulgarities in camp, dusty bunks, and the food. The vulgarities are getting my nerves, particularly when the parking instructor did a demo, and everyone couldn't follow what he did. He would just swear across the the carpark at that person with strings of vulgarities. It makes that person feels humiliated and making other trainees tensed up. It maybe the hot weather that adds on to the emotions I guess. The hot afternoon sun already did it's part, by demarcating my right arm from black and white. I was also shocked when I went back to bunk and saw that my right arm is darker than my left. -_-''' And it's only my forearms that are tanned.

Assessments and tests was also something that I didn't expect. Soon, I will be driving a bigger vehicle, provided I pass my assessment. Adding on, an oral assessment on Wednesday which my theory instructor said that only a minority will pass on the first try.

On the bright side, my friends (same vocation and bunk) will be there to help me if I need help. I never thought we would bond so much even though I only get to know more than half of them only when our driver course started, as I was doing guard duty for a period of time and they were doing something else. Besides the constant "encouragement" to tell that someone (er....guess la.long story), just because I was stupid enough to disclose 4 numbers to them. -__-''' Now it's say or the pestering will continue. LOL! I hope we will all make it through the course.

Now, it's bedtime. Tired. Take care people.

imtiredofwaiting.wantingtotakethefirststepbutafraidofoutcome.

ilikeherbutdontdaretosay
你要等到什么时候啊白痴?

COOL! HAHAHAH.

4 weeks into life after BMT, others may have already started their unit training but I am only starting mine tomorrow. Half elated, and the other half not looking forward to it. Past 4 weeks was a much more easy life compared to others who had like outfields, and siong*tough* in-camp trainings. I did guard duties, like what a normal RP will do after their course. Had irregular sleep times, and some long duty hours. Even though I don't quite really enjoy the stay, but in retrospect, it's not bad afterall. Learned new things, and I guess I still need to buck up on my communication skills hahaha.

A stay-in for me from tomorrow onwards, somehow not wanting to know how does the bunk environment feels and look like after hearing what others said when they went there for 2 days and kena rejected. Hopefully it's tolerable.

My hands itching for design. I miss Sketchup!! hahahaha.

Shall end with.....MYSTERY!!!

Once bitten twice shy;emo-ing brings me nowhere.
Affected by someone's words weeks ago,I can't seem to get over it.
I refuse to accept it,the fact? Or how some people perceive me.
Now what am I supposed to do?
I guess some stuff have to experience it,teaching won't help.

Super Junior, It's You.

it's you

Let me hear your voice, by Big Bang. (:

HAHAHA.What on Earth is self potato? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. ROFL!!

boo.

Happy New Year everyone. Hope year 2010 will be a good year for everyone. No, I should say it will be a good year for everyone! (:

i maybe wrong,but i somehow am afraid of losing you.